What's For Dinner!
by MissTreason
Summary: Ryou is making the dinner and Bakura is thinking about him. Very OOC. Crack!verse. First chaper is the redo, second chapter is the original. I think there is a difference.
1. New Version

What's for Dinner?

It was cold outside so Ryou has insisted that I stay inside and keep warm because I could 'catch my death' ah poor naïve, innocent, beautiful hikari with your snow white hair your big sparkling brown eyes. I'm already dead. Have been for 5 millennia. I do not answer to a teenager. I can go out if I want to.

But I digress. Sitting inside is actually quite a good thing. It means I can mull over the meaning of life, or in my case, life-after-being-dead-and-trapped-in-a-ring-as-a-spirit-for-five-thousand-years.

Nah, actually I just wonder what it would be like to fuck Yadonushi into the mattress.

If you haven't already noticed I have a 'thing' for my hikari but I have absolutely no idea how to act upon it. Due to the fact that as far as I know the (cute) little bastard is straight so any chance of a relationship (or a quick shag in a closet) has already blown up. NOT because I don't know a thing about dating. Not at all.

I must admit though, I made the rudimentary mistake of asking Marik what I could do. He was less than helpful. He just said to 'get him drunk then reap the benefits'. I honestly don't know how Malik puts up with it.

Anyway back to MY lovely Ryou, he really is the best damned thing I've ever seen. The way his hair seems to shine in the sun and how its always so soft and smells like vanilla and coconut unlike mine, mine looks more silver than white and its also kinda messy and smells of something. Though that might have something to do with the fact that he actually washes his.

His eyes seem to sparkle all the time and that little glint of innocence drives me crazy (I want to taint it!), the colour is just like milk chocolate so brown but creamy. But his smile? Well it just takes the biscuit. It's so cute, so adorable, so pretty! The way your mouth quirks! I want to kiss it until his lips are bruised and swollen. How could one smile make me feel like that? I don't know but his does, it always does, even when he's talking to that dickwad Pharaoh and his cheerleaders its still the same feeling of '10/10. Would Do.'

But he never seems to smile for me. Why is that my beautiful hikari?

…...!

Holy shitting Ra! I'm ranting like a bloody hormonal teenage school girl with a crush! I sound like one of those blokes out of Twishite! This is not a good mental state for me. I am the fierce and proud King of Thieves. Not a sparkly stalker.

Oh, I just heard a noise, I think he's gone down stairs to start cooking dinner. He tried to teach me once, but in the end he patted my arm and said that 'Perhaps I just wasn't cut out for cooking.' I don't really understand. It was only a little fire, and everyone knows that water is perfectly flammable.

If I'm going out I should probably ask when dinner will be done, don't want to miss food. I wonder what we're having tonight. Last night we had steak but today he said that we were having 'something special'.

Maybe I should ask.

"Ryou what's for dinner?" I shout

"Faggots and a Spotted dick" he replies

…... What?!

* * *

MissTreason: For those who don't know 'Faggots' are a type of meatball and ' a 'spotted dick' is a kind of sponge with raisins in. British food.

I changed it quite a lot to the previous version. I think (read hope) I've improved in the 3 and a bit years since I wrote this story.


	2. Old Version

MissTreason: um... this is my second fic and um... it's more than likely going to be complete bull but oh well I can't be good at everything... I'm rambling anyway on with the story!

* * *

What's for Dinner?

It was cold outside so Ryou has insisted that I stay inside and keep warm because I could 'catch my death' ah poor naive, innocent, beautiful hikari with your snow white hair your big sparkling brown eyes... yes if you haven't noticed I have a thing for my hikari but I have absolutely no idea how to act upon it because as far as I know my hikari is straight so any chance of a relationship has already blown up I asked Marik what I could do but he was less than helpful he just said to 'get him drunk then reap the benefits'... honestly I don't know how Malik puts up with him. Anyway back to my beautiful hikari, he really is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen the way his hair seems to glitter in the sun and how its always so soft and smells like vanilla and coconut unlike mine that looks more silver than white and how mine is also so messy and smells of... um... something, and also how your eyes seem to sparkle all the time with that little glint of innocence and the colour is just like milk chocolate so brown but creamy but your smile just takes the biscuit its so cute so adorable so pretty so innocent how could one smile be all those things? I don't know but yours is it always is even when your talking to that god forsaken Pharaoh and his cheerleaders its still the same smile... but you never seem to smile for me, why is that my beautiful hikari? what did I do to deserve such harsh treatment? why won't you smile for me? did I do something wrong?

I just herd a noise, he's come down stairs to start cooking dinner, he tried to teach me once but in the end I got pissed off at the cooker and ended up sending it to the shadow realm and Ryou had one hell of a time trying to explain to his father how the cooker suddenly disappeared.

I wonder what we're having tonight... last night we had steak but today he said that we were having something special maybe I should ask... yes I'm going to ask!

"Hikari what's for dinner?" I shout

"Faggots and a spotted dick" he replies

* * *

MissTreason: ... um... I have no idea what the hell that crap was but R&R if you like... I'm not all that bothered -sighs- oh and I know my spelling sucks and if your wondering 'why doesn't she use spell check?' its because its crap! and for those who don't know 'Faggots' are a type of meatball and ' a spotted dick' is a sponge cake with raisins in.


End file.
